This perfectly captures my recent shift in perspective. After spending time with several great friends across the span of three days in Alexandria, I’m ready to be the change I want to see in my own world.
It started with Carrie’s much appreciated, candid response to a tough question, “Is my Facebook feed negative?”
She said, “If I didn’t know you in real life and know you’re a genuinely nice, caring, generous person, I’d have unfollowed you. You aren’t the same person in real life as the person who comes through on Facebook.” #ouch
I realized, after explaining vehemently that my Facebook is “real”, I don’t need to change the way I present conversations I have on on Facebook. I need to change the way I actually have those conversations in real life.
And I need to reevaluate what is worthy of sharing.
If you know me IRL, you know I’m not a jerk. I mean, I think you know I’m not a jerk. I’m not a jerk, right?
Why then, was I willing to share a conversation about me cutting someone off mid sentence in the course of standing my ground about some freelance work, but it didn’t occur to me to post about paying for groceries at Harris Teeter for a mom with two school aged kids … even though paying for hers meant putting mine back (because outstanding freelance invoices).
She didn’t have any money left on her benefits card and she was embarrassed and asked the cashier to void the order and just ring up couple of the items.
I stepped around her and handed the cashier my card, confident the money for her groceries was there, it meant I’d need to wait until after the weekend* to get the things I wanted to buy.
I know why I didn’t share this: I felt like I was bragging about helping someone else and I didn’t want to say out loud “my budget is tighter than its been in 20 years.” #freelancewoes
And yet I had no qualms about running my mouth (is it running my mouth when it’s my thumbs?) about being assertive and overbearing.
I could have simply emailed “no thank you” about the freelance for free request. Instead I geared up for a fight.
I unfollow and delete people because the drudgery of their pages drains me.
And I realized I’m likely that drudgery for someone else. #doubleouch
Paradigm shift, in full effect.
I’d rather be a positive influence and be of service than be right.
*Relax, I didn’t starve. I went in after the weekend and bought the things I needed. The nutrition company I partnered with in March actually drops money in my account each week. In addition to covering gaps in my budget, it funded that random act of kindness. That feels great.
2 thoughts on “Shifting paradigms”
Ah, good ol’ Carrie and her southern belle charm 🙂 Loved this piece Jennie, and p.s. you aren’t a jerk, well at least I don’t think you are. Are you?
Jenn…….Good for you recognizing your responsibility for what your friend told you. Self awareness is so very important. I try to stay positive with what little I post on Facebook. You are on the right track. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember that the Corps taught you to gear up for a fight when threatened. Natural conditioned response. Bless you for your kindness to one in need. Semper Fi……..Jim