I strong-armed my grandma over the phone this afternoon. I’m not sorry about it, either. Here’s how it went down. (I know all of her anti-travel protests by heart and we ALWAYS have fun together.)
“Gram, remember back in August when I asked you to come out for a visit?”
Oh, I hoped you’d forgotten. I don’t feel well enough to travel.
“Wait. What? Are you sick? If you’re sick you need to make an appointment with Dr. Gonzalez.”
I’m not sick. I’m just not well. I have an eye appointment this week and I need a mamogram.
“Seems like you just had a mammogram, Gram. I think you LIKE mammograms. What’s with you and mamograms? Reschedule.”
Well, I just don’t feel like making that trip. California to New York is really far.
“You went to Hawaii with Dale last year and if her knee wasn’t bad, you’d have gone to Alaska this summer.”
I don’t know, Jenn… I’m getting too old to travel. I’m not spontaneous like you. You and Eric are gypsies. I never know where you kids are.
“I’m in New York, Gram. I drove past a PURPLE tree this morning. Fall has arrived. You’re gonna be 92 in November. You might not be alive next Fall. You’ve been talking about Fall foliage for at least a decade. You’re coming.”
Well thanks for that vote of confidence, wise ass. It’s a long trip, Jenn. I’m not up for travel… I don’t want to change planes.
“Nonstop from San Diego to New York City, Gram. And since you don’t want to drive? I’ll ask Anne and George to take you to the airport. If they can’t? I’ll send a shuttle. What else?”
Oh, I don’t know, Jenn…
“Gram, you said no to Vegas for your birthday a few years ago. You LOVED it.”
Oh, yes! It was just stunning! I never thought I’d be back to Las Vegas in my lifetime, that’s for sure! What a trip.
“You said no to Uncle Craig’s mine in Nevada. You LOVED it.”
Oh, Jenn, that was really something, wasn’t it? And then we met that professor and went out to the Gemfield?
And that old cemetery? Wow. What a cemetery that was! So many deaths in a short time!
“You said it was “too far” to go to Los Angeles to Eric’s house (after I flew in from DC) to celebrate your 90th birthday and Thanksgiving as a family. You also said ‘going into the city at night is just too much. You sure were surprised when the taxi stopped at the Staples Center.”
She didn’t think 90 candles would fit on the giant cupcake I bought to surprise her, for her Thanksgiving Day birthday, either. They did.
I see what you’re doing here, Jenn…
“I’m not done, Gram. You didn’t want to go to the Grove that week because it would be crowded. You sure enjoyed watching it ‘snow’ though.”
It was truly magic. I never thought I’d see snow again, Jennie. (well, technically, it was foam. Semantics, though)
“Monterey last summer, Gram. You were going just as stir crazy with that cast on your foot as I was hanging out with you all summer because you couldn’t drive. And you still said no to driving up the Coast. That was a great trip, wasn’t it? Glad I Didn’t have to club you to put you in my truck. The flight to NYC will be less than half the amount of time we spent in the car that weekend. Say yes.”
I’m supposed to have a mamogram, Jenn.
“Gram, if the mamgram is so important? If that’s the last roadblock between you coming to NYC to visit before I go back to work or move out of state I PROMISE I’ll find some dude in Jersey to squeeze your boobs. Get on the plane. ”
Fine but I have to have my hair done before I come. Do you really know someone in Jersey?
She’s called 7 times since I hung up the first time and emailed. The first few calls were her being anxious about some of the things on her (seriously) busy schedule. The last few were her simply saying, “Oh, I’m excited now, Jennie. Call me tonight!”
“Your flight leaves at 9:00pm tomorrow, Gram. JetBlue. Nonstop. Bring a sweater for the plane.”
Look out New York, Gram’s coming to town.